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2003-04-14
1:55 p.m.

I started The Atkins Diet a couple of hours ago. Let me explain that I do not need to lose weight at all. If I could just get myself to do a sit-up every once in awhile, I would be in hellashape.

A woman I work with is on The Atkins, and I was saying that I could never do that. The Dr. Atkins diet is all protein. All you eat is meat and cheese, basically. I love bread so much. Bread and water is my favorite meal. (I've said it before, I could survive in prison. I just wouldn't want to be anyone's bitch...) So, yeah. After I decided that The Atkins would be the hardest thing in the world for me to do, I decided that I would give it a try. I figured that if I could avoid carbs for a week, then I can pretty much do anything.

Well, I am all set to fail miserably. I miss the bread so much already. I have a box of croutons in my office that I keep as a snack. The croutons are mocking me right now as I type this. They keep staring at me, enticing me to eat them.

I think I might have to do the opposite of The Atkins. The new diet will include all carbs, all the time. I will call it the Dr. Fatkins Diet...