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2003-08-08
9:12 p.m.

Jonathan from �Who�s the Boss?� has to be totally pissed this week. He is not the only �celebrity� that can be seen all over town. Rosie O�Donnell is really stealing his thunder. Everyone in town is having Rosie sightings, causing little Jonathan to slip right out of our minds. Jonathan who? He was never really the boss, anyway.

I had three Rosie encounters, myself. The first two were more of sightings; the other one was actually an encounter. I saw Ro (that�s what I�m calling her, since in my head, she is now my new best friend) walking down the street. The other time, she was sitting a couple of rows behind me at a drag show. I didn�t talk to Rosie, I mean Ro, those times.

It was the third time I saw Ro this week that we really hit it off. I don�t even know how it happened, really, but somehow I was asked to represent Absolut Vodka at this charity fund-raiser dinner. I swear it was the easiest money I ever made. I showed up 45 minutes before the dinner started and hung some Absolut posters and made sure the bar was all set up with all of the finest Absolute products. I got to stay for the lobster dinner, chat with the guests who were enjoying their vodka drinks and take their photos. Oh yeah, I also got to drink some of the vodka, myself. Easy, easy money, I tell you.

The guest of honor at this $1,000 a plate dinner was Rosie O�Donnell and her family. She was really nice and is growing out her hair, which is a relief. She spoke, donated more money to the cause (she�s a very charitable woman, you know) and mingled with everyone. I got to talk to her and I told her that I was a fan and that I am trying to make a career out of trying to be funny. Ro told me that I shouldn�t try to be funny, I should just be funny.

So, for now on, I am no longer going to try to be funny for you people. I�m just going to be funny. Ro told me to do it�