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2002-11-14
10:47 a.m.

Much like a certain Hucksterfinn, I am also trying to decide what I want to be. I have said that I feel like I am on the brink of something big, but I can't decide where I want to go or what I want to do. And that seems to be a bit of a problem, especially when you believe you can do anything.

I think I might be going through a bit of an identity crisis.

I've been looking at things I have been doing for entertainment (movies, going out) as bits of inspiration and direction, but I'm afraid that these things are only leaving me more confused.

Last night, I went to the movie house and saw that Jerry Seinfeld film, "Comedian." It was really entertaining and funny and even inspiring. Now, I think I just may want to be a stand-up comic. I think I could do it. Even though the film shows that it is hard work building material, and getting up there in front of people, it is something I know I could do and have fun with it, too. Now I just need to work on my material...

Although up until I saw that movie last night, I thought my true calling was to be a jazz singer. I was at this jazz bar on Tuesday night and this trio was playing and they were really good. They brought up this guy to sing and he was really really good. He sounded just like Frank Sinatra (the entertainer, not my old car) and it was a show-stopper. After he got off the stage, I thought to myself, "I can do that." And then I was trying to think of ways to get a gig or even get a band together.

The day before that, however, I convinced myself that what I really should be is a white rapper. You see, I just saw "8 Mile," and I thought, "That doesn't seem so difficult. I can do that." But when I got in my car and began to practice busting rhymes, I realized my lyrical flow did not run so smooth. I would just have to practice, I thought.

Good thing the jazz singer calling came when it did. I think if I were to become a white rapper, it end up being more a long the lines of Vanilla Ice, not Eminem. And I don't really know too many jazz songs, so I'm really glad that what I am supposed to be is a comic.

I'm going to see "42nd Street" tonight. Tomorrow at this time, I might have decided that my true calling is broadway star...