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2004-01-05
2:51 p.m.

I'm not so sure about this New Year. 2004 might be the year I officially become a clumsy fool.

It started just minutes into the New Year. I was at a party, drinking vodka in one hand and champagne in the other when someone handed me a little confetti popper to celebrate with. I can't believe that I am 25 and had never partied with a popper before. I wasn't really sure how it worked, but assumed that when I pulled the string, the confetti would pop out where the string was. I wasn't expecting the whole thing to explode. In my mouth. That's right, it exploded in my mouth. Apparently, I am such an alcoholic, that I couldn't be bothered with putting my drinks down. So, I just held the popper in my teeth and pulled the string. It looked like I was throwing up smoke and confetti. My tongue was numb for a good thirty minutes.

The next night, I was at a bar with some friends being stupid. (Being stupid, by the way, means dancing.) At the end of the evening, when it was time to go, I made a stupid hand motion that said, "Come on, everybody," and then went on to kind of jog/skip towards the door. That was when my traction-less shoes slipped on a piece of tile and I ate the floor. I have never fallen so hard. I fell, and then kind of skidded across the floor. A friend of mine was not far behind me, and fell on top of me and then landed under a table. My hip still hurts.

And now, I just discovered that the car I've been driving has just died. The first two incidents were funny, but this car shit is serious business.

Maybe I should've eaten some pork and sauerkraut on Jan.01...