510 reasons why I should never be the designated driver
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2004-03-01
11:53 p.m.

I don�t think the car gods will be happy until I am off the roads for good. I�ve been ignoring (avoiding?) the signs for some time now, but I�m starting think that maybe I should give up driving for good.

This thought came to me a couple of days when a stranger in another car almost collided with my car. It was the fourth or fifth time this had happened in a week. These almost-accidents have not been my fault, either. I don�t understand how these people don�t see me on the road or at the intersections. I do not drive an invisible car. I would say that a white Buick LaSabre is far from invisible.

I�ve never had much luck with cars and driving, really. The white Buick is my seventh or eighth car. After about six or seven, you stop counting. You also stop naming your cars around that time, too. (Although I�m open to suggestions for a name for this car. My favorite car name was my car Chevy Lumina, which I called Lumina Diamond Phillips, also known as car #4.) I�ve been driving since I was 16. I�m 25 and I�ve had seven or eight cars. That is not a good statistic.

Maybe I keep getting in accidents and cars keep dying on me because I have never paid for any of my cars. I�m not spoiled at all, but rather just lucky whenever I need a car. It seems that whenever I lose a car, a family member is getting rid of an old car and hands it down to me. Maybe my carma will improve if I actually pay money from my own personal bank account for a vehicle.

I really thought that suffering through my last car would have wiped my �carma� slate clean. It was a 1991 turquoise blue Ford Tempo, a very embarrassing car to drive. As if that wasn�t bad enough, smoke was always coming out from under the hood and sometimes into the car. I really felt that the car would explode at any moment, which was a great excuse to never be the designated driver.

�Oh, I can�t drive. I would feel really bad if you died in a car explosion,� I would always say to friends as we were leaving for the bar. In case of an emergency, I�ve practiced jumping out of the car while it was still driving. It would just be irresponsible to put my friends in that kind of harm.

That Tempo really was the worst car. And to top it off, the CD player always skipped.

So, I figured that things were really picking up when my great aunt moved into a nursing home and gave me her Buick LaSabre. (I guess things were picking up for me, not for her.) The car has no miles on it and is a really smooth ride. The problem is that people almost hit me just about every time I drive it. The car has a very �old lady� look (and smell) to it. You would think that people would want to avoid hitting the elderly.

It seems there is nothing I can do to improve my carma until I can save up enough money to purchase a car on my own. So I guess I shouldn�t feel so guilty for occasionally using the handicapped parking pass I found in the Buick last week. It doesn�t expire until 2006. It would be a shame for it to go to waste. And besides, it�s not likely my luck with cars will be getting better any time soon�

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