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2000-02-16
22:00:20

Ok you know what sucks? I mean, really sucks? It's when you have a bunch of different people telling you a bunch of different things that totally contradict each other. It especially sucks when you don't really know the people telling you all this shit very well, and you really want to trust them. But how can you trust them when someone else that you also want to trust tells the completely opposite thing? Are you following me?

I guess what it comes down is that I hate wasting time. I just hate it. I am a busy person, and wasting time is a total pet peeve. Lately, I feel like I have sorta been wasting my time. I haven't been doing the things I really need to be doing, and I've been sitting on my ass waaaaaaaaay too much. I also feeli like I've been wasting my time with certain people, and that is something I hate more than just sitting on my ass. With people, I've invested time, and I'm beginning to wonder if it was worth it. It sucks having friends and questiong whether or not they are true friends... I try to be a good person and a good friend and I just don't understand how other people can't be the same way. Maybe I have too much respect for people as a whole. Maybe I just try to treat people the same I'd want to be treated.

Ok so I'm not by any means a goody-two-shoes or anything like that. I do have my flaws, too. And maybe to some people I don't seem like a true friend, but I really do TRY to. With a few of my current friends, I'm beginning to wonder if they are even trying at all.

It's a good thing that I do have plenty of good friends, so if the friends in question don't work out, I won't be left out in the cold. But still. That means a wasted time on a friendship that wasn't even worth it in the first place.

I guess I need to start looking for me more often. I'm at a place in my life right now where the decisions I make could have some sort of long term effect. The decision to sit on my ass, isn't a wise one, and I'm not going to do it anymore.

And as for these "friends in question," we'll see what happens, but I do think I need to stop caring so much. What happens, happens. Now I'm going to say something that's a total cliche, but it fits... What is meant to be, will happen. I don't really believe in fate, though. Well, kinda. Ok that's a whole other entry.

Maybe I'll discuss my views on fate next time...