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2002-10-25
6:39 p.m.

Last weekend, I wore this sweater to a party. It was a very plain navy blue V-neck, but it did have three initials on the upper left corner of the sweater. Much in the same fashion that Laverene wore her "L" on all her clothes.

The initials on the sweater weren't mine. My initials are not B.F.A. But that night they were. It was quite the conversation starter. So many people would ask me what the initials stood for. I said I had just changed my name legally that day. I couldn't remember what the initials were, so I had to keep looking down at my sweater as I told people of my new name. To some people that night, I was known as Bernard Francis Adidas. (I couldn't come up with a quick last name for the letter 'A,' which is pretty funny considering that's the letter my REAL last name begins with.

With all this fake name fun I was having, I decided it may be time to come up with a real alias of my own. All the cool people are doing it. Phoebe, on 'Friends,' is Regina Felangee. FeLANgee. (I know I spelled that wrong) George, on 'Seinfeld,' is Art Vandelay. And Karen on 'Will and Grace' is Amanda Beaverhousen. It just seems natural that I, too, should have a fake name.

I decided my alias is going to be Felix Huffnagle. I don't even know how I came up with it. It just came to me. That's how I know it's the perfect fake name.

And I just know it will get me out of some slippery situations...