New Releases - Old Favorites - Bio - Cast Notes - Guestbook - Fan Mail - The Studio

2003-05-07
2:01 p.m.

Have I ever mentioned that I live a condiment free life? I guess it's like being a vegetarian, except I eat meat. I just wouldn't put ketchup or anything on my burger. In fact, I would have to say that I hate ketchup with all my heart and all my soul.

I have a friend who says that ranch is the devil's condiment, but I would have to say that ketchup is the most evil of them all. (She also says that Mountain Dew is the devil's soda, which I happen to agree with...) I don't know what it is about ketchup, but it is just so gross and room temperature and freakishly smooth. How do you people ruin your fries with them???

Whenever people find out about my strong anti-condiment stance, they always find it so shocking. There are so many people out there who can't imagine a life without mustard or mayo. I'm sure most wouldn't even be able to call that living.

They always try to catch me using a condiment, too. "What about salsa?" "What about veggie dip?" "What about tartar sauce?" No, no, NO, people. I didn't just make this anti-condiment decision yesterday. I was born this way.

Because I live a condiment free lifestyle, I could never be a contestant on "Fear Factor." I would be such an easy target. All they would have to do is just place a plate of ketchup in front of me and I would cry and dry heave the whole show away.

Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to eat some chicken strips without any dipping sauce...